argy-bargy

\ahr-jee-BAHR-jee\

noun

chiefly British : a lively discussion : argument, dispute

I'm not sure what to do here. I consider talking about self-contained instances of assonance, but the only other example I can think of is hocus-pocus. I consider talking about Brits, but I realize I know nothing on this topic. I consider offering an example of a recent dispute in which I have taken part, but the only thing I can recall is a minor rift during which my roommate made me feel kind of stupid for not knowing when bacon is done cooking—

Are you serious? she said.

Well, when the hell am I ever around the cooking of bacon?

Of course, she has a good point—I have seen cooked bacon, and I could possibly reach back to a point in my distant childhood when my mom occasionally fried bacon for my brother Zander, but really, this conversation took place at work and this bacon was for customers and I didn't want to be responsible for the undercooking of bacon and whatever repercussions might follow. But I would hardly call this an ARGY-BARGY.

I lie on my bedroom floor thinking, ARGY-BARGY? What am I going to do with this? I instead compile a FREE box while listening to Joanna Newsom, forcing myself to purge now that the term is over. The box's contents include:

- one old shoelace-less pair of puma sneakers

- an old white button-down shirt I bought when I was volunteering at the Portland Art Museum

- a round cartridge for a slide projector I bought thinking I would do some art project with it

- a handful of empty c.d. cases

- a pad of novelty faux-vintage post-its that have no sticking power

- a pair of stripy knee socks

Junk.

ARGY-BARGY. All I can think is, Georgy Porgy, reminded of a guy named George Mirena who was in my kindergarten class. I realize now, for the first time, that his last name is the same name given to my intrauterine device. This means nothing.

I locate a band called ARGY-BARGY on MySpace music. Self-described as "streetpunk." They're playing a show in the UK on August 7th, in case you're interested.

I'm done. It's been a long year.