jejune

\jih-JOON\

adjective

1 : lacking nutritive value

2 : devoid of significance or interest : dull

3 : juvenile, puerile

This word posits me at a busy intersection, eyes on an unfolded map, knowing only which way is up. Each of the above definitions is a possible route; I'm reminded of the anxieties inherent in the reading of a choose your own adventure novel. As adults, we all understand the metaphor underlying this literature-of-choice genre, but no other decision in life seems to call such attention to its consequence. There it is, in front of our young eyes on a soft page, browning around the edges: You can either do this, or this.

Choose wisely.

Of course, I am the god of this blog, so I can write about whatever I want, as much as I want, and as rampantly as I'd like. My only restriction is time. Each of today's definitions interests me. I have read some about choice creating anxiety; in contemporary western culture people feel bogged down by the amount of choice and decision making involved in everyday life. They waste varying amounts of time standing in front of a wall of 78 types of tomato sauce trying to pick the very best variety, fearing regret at choosing incorrectly (as though there is such thing). I do not normally have a problem with choice. What I have a problem with is the depressing notion that I will most likely not be able to try every type of tomato sauce before I die. This is where the anxiety rears its head. It happens most often in the bookstore. I nearly tear up at the realization of the many, many books I will never read.

Today I have all of three choices. And I could conceivably write about all three. I do have a whole day.

*

What I take from every above definition is the sense of something being just short of satisfying.

1) lacking nutritive value

a) I work in a bakery, and hardly a day goes by when I am not asked: "How do you work here and stay so thin?" While this question is annoying and bothersome on several levels, I will avoid digression and instead discuss my case against baked goods, specifically pastry. Now—do not misunderstand—I do enjoy sweets, mostly dark chocolate in its simplest form, a piece broken off a bar, preferably 70% or darker (though anything past 85% contorts my facial expression). In addition, I would like to add that I respect the art of pastry and support the quality of the product I sell. However, will you catch me eating a scone or a bearclaw for breakfast? Never. And the reason is because PASTRIES HAVE LITTLE TO NO NUTRITIVE VALUE. Pastries are like one night stands—temporarily satisfying, but in the long run leave you wanting more. Every day I watch as these JEJUNE treats fly off the rickety shelves of our old, wooden display case—morning rolls, sticky buns, chocolate chip muffins—and I don't get it. I suppose this is one of many answers as to how I "stay so thin": I think too much and I am neurotic. Not to mention my near inability to eat a meal that doesn't involve of a fair amount of fiber.

2) devoid of significance or interest : dull

a) a random selection of things I* may describe using the above statement

1) television programs about any of the following

a) hospitals, ERs, surgeries, etc.

b) nonfiction accounts of life among wealthy white people

c) any show that involves the process of "voting off"

2) any and all forms of sports journalism

3) any video games made after the original Nintendo

4) knick-knacks

5) most types of shopping, excluding grocery

* I must clarify that this list applies solely to my own opinions, and I am in no way claiming that its contents are "devoid of significance" in a general sense. I do believe EVERYTHING has cultural value; these items are merely dull to me as an individual. Although, I see little purpose in anything one would describe as a knick-knack, except perhaps as a placeholder in a future FREE box on the side of the road.

3) juvenile, puerile

a) Defining the difference between childish and childlike

1) childish

a : of, like, or befitting a child

b : puerile, weak, silly.

2) childlike

a : like a child, as in innocence, frankness, etc.

b) Exploring the difference

1) Things I associate with childish

a) the act of "ganging up" on someone

1) def : ganging up : act of uniting in opposition against someone or something

b) competitiveness

c) laziness

d) insubordinance

2) Things I associate with childlike

a) the empress from The Neverending Story

b) the humility in revealing a crush

c) the everlasting joy of swinging on a swing, any swing

1) despite newfound motion sickness

d) the devouring of sweets without remorse

1) bringing us full circle back to pastry

This unintentionally cyclical exploration has illuminated the essence of JEJUNE—an indulgence in something for no practical reason or consequence, only to satisfy the desire to indulge. The "empty calories" of life experience, I suppose.