Thursday, March 4, 2010




: conforming to the requirements of the law : not forbidden by law : permissible

a list of LICIT activities that should be deemed illicit:

1) sidewalk solicitation (a.k.a. sidewalk environmentalism). never before has a binder been more foreboding. these people need to go away. i don't care what they are raising money for. i don't care if they are raising money to pay my college loans. when i am crossing a street and i see one of their fake smiles gleaming at me from the other side i feel sick with disgust. but they're just working for a living, candace. i don't care. i would rather clean toilets than stand on a street corner wearing one of those navy blue wind-breakers, compromising my dignity with every attempted handshake. they are a menace to my peace of mind.

2) talking at high volume on your cell phone when everyone else on the bus is quiet. these perpetrators are either totally unaware of their surroundings or actually believe the whole bus cares/wants to hear their lame conversation. nobody cares. leave us out of it. it's totally noise pollution.

3) breaking glass bottles in the street. i guess this is technically considered littering, which is probably illicit to some extent, but there should be a particularly heinous punishment for this activity because getting a flat tire on your bike due to some drunken idiot's charades really fucking sucks. these people should have to roll around naked in their own bottle shards, for the amusement of the offended bicyclist.

okay. i'm stopping there.


  1. Why'd you stop? I could read these all day!

  2. i have so much work to do! i could write it all day...