boustrophedon

\boo-struh-FEE-dahn\

noun

the writing of alternate lines in opposite directions (as from left to right and from right to left)

In an effort to better explain the word BOUSTROPHEDON, the etymologist used the word's literal translation as a visual—turning like oxen in plowing—which led me to think about lawn mowing patterns. There's something so aesthetically pleasing about the manmade stripes that reveal freshly mowed suburban turf. Such precision. Such devotion.

A well-manicured lawn suggests both time and money. It is a symbol of status, a desirable indication that those in the home behind the lawn have reached a new caliber of middle-class excellence. The lawn is the motivation for articles like this in the Denver Post, instructing readers on how to win their neighbors envy in the dominion of horticultural maintenance. A green sea reigned in by agronomical BOUSTROPHEDON. An emblem of the well-adjusted.

Calling, begging me to throw myself down and roll around in its splendor.

KEEP OFF THE GRASS

Really? It's just grass.