Friday, October 29, 2010




1 : the troops moving at the head of an army
2 : the forefront of an action or movement

The VANGUARD is my current university's student-run newspaper. This makes sense—the forefront of a movement. Logical. At my undergraduate alma mater, Rhode Island College, students published The Anchor—(figuratively) a source of stability/security. Fair. My high school newspaper was The Trident—a three-pronged fork or weapon.


I self-published a "newspaper" when I was nine-years-old. It was called Opper House. Simple. To the point. The front page (there were only two pages) headline is, "Kyle Went to see Bugs Bunny." Kyle was my brothers' half brother. I usually called him my cousin to avoid extraneous explanation. Under the headline there is a small line drawing of Bugs Bunny's head next to a Xerox of Kyle's school picture. No article.

The next section is titled, "Associated With Problems." The following text is based off a survey I conducted among my immediate family members, as well as an actual cousin, Dicky, who was visiting on the day of publication. I imagine I asked them about their troubles:

Dicky - Slipery [sic] road.
Marcelle - Slipery road again.
Jane - Crying baby
Heath - He doesn't want to tell.
Zander - N.O.

After this is the Weather section:

Sunday rainy and icey [sic].
Monday sun might come out.

Following the weather is "future events," based on another survey:

Marcelle - Whants [sic] (the "h" is subsequently crossed out with an X) to go to New York.
Dicky - Is going to train show.
Jane - Celebrates Valentines day.
Heath - Sees Newspaper! WOW!
Alexzander [sic] - Is going to be in a play.

Page two gets a bit more speculative with the section, "What is happening in outer Space."

Dicky - toilet paper floating with garbage.
Marcelle - toilets on Mars.
Jane - The man on the moon ate green cheese.
Alexzander - Rainbow Bright went to the moon.
(Heath must have neglected to comment)

It is quite possible my family took drugs before answering this last question.

The paper closes with a hand-drawn maze, titled "Puzzles," although there is only one. Perhaps I had greater intentions. Needless to say, I did not posit myself at the VANGUARD of puzzle-making.

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