dally

\DAL-ee\

verb

1 a : to act playfully; especially : to play amorously b : to deal lightly : toy

2 a : to waste time b : linger, dawdle

i am not a time waster. not that i am necessarily trying to save time (see Feb. 12) but i take pleasure in filling every moment with productivity. especially if multi-tasking is involved. a whole world of action can take place while bread is toasting.

admittedly, i have a problem with restlessness. even in moments when i'm supposed to be relaxing, i'm often taking something in, processing information, formulating bigger schemes. others call this "reading."

in regards to the second part of this definition, despite my relentless productivity, there are two regular instances in which i DALLY:

1) when i'm avoiding writing a paper. i will partake in an overabundance of chores—cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming, sweeping behind appliances—convinced these are projects that must get done before the paper-writing can begin. i have even rearranged rooms trying to avoid the start of the first paragraph. after almost five years of higher education, i consider cleaning to be part of the paper-writing process. maybe i just need a fresh environment to get the ideas flowing without the obstructions of clutter and filth. this is a sweet theory, but i know i'm just avoiding the inevitable. it's amazing how pleasurable cleaning a toilet looks when put up next to writing a paper i don't want to write. perspective is momentous.

2) when i like a boy. this is by far the more burdensome of the two evils, mostly because it feels uncontrollable, almost subconscious. when it's happening, it is as if i am above myself, watching from a higher ground, observing my deplorable acts of purposeful lingering. oh, the ways in which i manipulate natural occurrences to make myself present, to have my voice heard, my laugh observed, my grace admired; to make eye contact, to share space, to brush against, be in his line of vision, standing in the path he is about to walk; i ask questions, any questions, anything to interlock our words, if for only a moment. this is the DALLY of the infatuated—the highly orchestrated acts of the deliberate loiter.

in these examples, to DALLY becomes an action. it is not time wasted as much as time re-designated for another purpose, albeit less responsible than the original task that is being avoided. not that cleaning or drawing the attention of boys is purposeless—perhaps these acts can only happen successfully when something else is rendered unattractive (paper-writing) or less pertinent (anything, really, seems less pertinent when infatuated).

and, so, i come to the conclusion that even my DALLYING is productive.