conquian

\KONK-ee-un\

noun

: a card game for two played with 40 cards from which all games of rummy developed

i have never played CONQUIAN or rummy. i used to play "go fish" with my grandma when i was a child. since school gym destroyed any and all value or respect i may have had for the nature of competitiveness, i haven't much enjoyed any card games since my go fish years. except, of course, solitaire.

the summer in between my sophomore and junior years of high school i played a LOT of solitaire. i used to play until i won. sometimes it would take 15 minutes, sometimes 3 1/2 hours. i didn't care; i was mesmerized.

this was the same summer i spent waiting around for a boy named ben to return my phone calls. ben was a cute boy from the next town over who used to play in local bands. at some point, i obtained his number from someone. i boldly called and (out of character) told him that i thought he was cool and liked him. we developed a phone flirtation of sorts, talking sometimes for hours. this was my first personal interaction with a boy, and i couldn't believe how easy it was. it got a little harder when we first met up in person. it was clear i was not cool enough for him and he ignored me all night, leaving me to socialize with his less-than-welcoming group off friends.

i thought: over. but then every time ben would see someone i knew, he would ask about me and why i stopped calling him. so...i would call, and he would never call me back. this happened maybe four or five times over the course of the summer. i would wait by my crappy, translucent plastic phone, playing solitaire, and nothing. this went on until the one time i actually reached him, and he yelled, "stop fucking calling me you fucking bitch! i don't want to talk to you!"

and, well, that was that.

i was a little butt-hurt, but people like ben need to exist to teach naive fifteen-year-old girls not to be suckers.

THANKS, BEN!