felicitous

\fih-LISS-uh-tus\

adjective

1 : very well suited or expressed : apt

2 : pleasant, delightful

i'm making a conscious decision to not talk about the WB television show Felicity. i didn't even really watch it because i didn't think it was edgy enough and i was extremely jealous about her living in new york and attending NYU. at 19, this was my dream. i stuck with Buffy.

i could say that achieving a FELICITOUS lifestyle underlies much of my behavior. i love when things are comfortable. and i love when things are "me."

"oh, that shirt is so you."

being true to the idea of myself is a daily struggle. i spend a lot of time thinking about how that idea was built. i suppose some of it was inherent, most of it circumstantial, and part of it expectational. trying to decipher the idea of my self is a fruitless battle. in the end, it doesn't matter where it came from, it just matters that i am driven to be true to that set of expectations and not another.

let's take jeans, something which i (and i'm not alone) am extremely particular about. over the course of my life, my idea of the FELICITOUS pair of jeans has changed with my age, the trends, the zeitgeist, etc. what has not changed is my particularity about choosing the exact right pair. right now, the perfect pair of jeans is J. Crew Hipslung Bootcut 27R in a dark wash. i have been more than lucky finding these used, as i would never consent to paying $90 for a pair.

what makes these jeans so FELICITOUS? they reflect everything i want in a pair of jeans. aside from the fact that they are good quality and will last, almost every aspect of a pair of jeans can reflect something about my personality. case in point:

bootcut leg style: boot cut has always been flattering. it's general. it's not tied to a specific era like flare legs which were once hippie and now scream late 90's hand-me-down. it's also not trendy like tapered leg which were unflattering in the 80's and now all the cool kids are pretending that they are flattering and will eventually return to bootcut when they realize they are wrong.

waist height: these pants sit at the perfect place on my hips. if they were too high i'd be a mom, and if they were too low i'd be an impractical slut who wanted everyone to see where my pubic hair began and my ass-crack ended.

fit/size: these pants fit, and that's all there is to it. my mother tells me stories about lying down on her bed to pull up her pants zipper with a pair of pliers. you will never walk in on my doing this. i enjoy breathing comfortably.

brand identification: i don't care about brand. if these were a no-name pair of jeans that fit, felt, looked, and lasted the same way, i would buy them. like i said, i have never purchased these from a J. Crew establishment, only on consignment for $15-$18 in places like Buffalo Exchange. i even once found a pair at Good Will. what is great about these jeans is that the brand is not visible anywhere on the surface of the pants. brand-showcasing is unacceptable. i will not wear clothes that dress me up like a walking billboard. just last week i was trying on jeans, and i found a seemingly FELICITOUS pair. good fit, good color, good leg style. then i looked at my ass—on one pocket an embroidered "M", on the other a "K." shame on you, Michael Kors. i couldn't do it.

i don't actually think about all of these things when i am looking for a pair of jeans. i just know. i can just look in the mirror and say,

"eh, these are not me."

it's a simple act, and it reflects a lifestyle built on a quest for happiness, comfort and truth.