funicular

\fyoo-NIK-yuh-ler\

noun

: a cable railway ascending a mountain;especially : one in which an ascending car counterbalances a descending car

i have never been on a FUNICULAR. what i have been on is: the fence, federal student aid, and the city bus. i have also been on a skyride, which is probably the modern cousin to the FUNICULAR. so, i guess i should talk about that.

a few days after brian* died, my friend katy's parents took us to the bronx zoo. this wasn't to make us feel better; we had simply already had the plans for some time. i had been really excited leading up to the trip. this was obviously before i realized i would be coping with an epic, life-changing event. a trip to the zoo then seemed equivalent to someone offering you a piece of gum if you were on fire.

i don't remember the zoo. i don't remember what animals we saw, or what we ate, or what souvenirs i wasted my mother's welfare money on. but i do remember the skyride. katy and i took the ride together, mostly in silence. the view was really beautiful. but all i can remember thinking was how easy it would be to jump, and how katy was probably thinking the same thing, and how neither of us would say anything to each other about this.

you can take the FUNICULAR out of the world of transportation, but you sure can't take the FUN out of FUNICULAR (a word which i am having trouble accepting is a noun and not an adjective. i just keep hearing, "jeez, that was a really FUNICULAR thing to say").

* brian \ˈbrī-ən\ biographical name : my first love; committed suicide in the spring of 1994; left me with a host of questions; the initial reason i write—a perpetual quest for answers where there may be none; will most likely appear in future blogs.