magnanimous

\mag-NAN-uh-mus\

adjective

1 : showing or suggesting a lofty and courageous spirit

2 : showing or suggesting nobility of feeling and generosity of mind

i would say that the opposite of MAGNANIMOUS would be vindictive, a word that could have described my personality for at least two thirds of my life. i grew up with the golden rule, and henceforth felt like i should also be an enforcer of that ideal. from about ten to twenty-five, i was not to be crossed.

this became increasingly difficult while working in retail, a sphere in which i have been employed for almost fifteen years. in this world, the golden rule does not apply. retail's golden rule is, "the customer is always right," which i have personally rewritten, for my own sanity, to be stated as, "the customer is usually wrong, you just have to let them think they are right."

customers have talked some nasty shit to me in the last fifteen years. i have been condescended to, sneered at, called a racist, offered money for sex, and been told an innumerable amount of times that i "have no idea what i'm talking about." these instances used to infuriate me. i would come home from work frustrated and angrily mumbling to myself, emotions which i couldn't seem to shake for days at a time. i felt totally helpless, unable to defend myself in a world where everything is upside down, where right is wrong, and wrong is somehow rewarded.

now that i'm older, something miraculously has changed. i just don't care anymore. in fact, i couldn't care less. i'm actually pleased when confronted with nasty customers, impressed by my ability to keep my cool. i feel sorry for their dissatisfaction, and yet grateful that it is their day that is ruined and not mine. their nastiness rolls off my back as i smile and MAGNANIMOUSLY say, "you are so right. we really shouldn't have run out of croissants." it's liberating.